Jokes for the Festive Board

Don’t come back to us if you try these and then get bannedfrom speaking at your lodge’s Masonic Festive Board !



Three men died just before christmas and went to the gates of heaven where St Peter informed them that to get in, they had to show him something with a Yule-tide flavour. 

The first man snapped off some twigs from a bush nearby and held them out explaining, somewhat feebly, that it was a Christmas Tree. “Very Good” said St Peter, wearily, “go in”. 

Man number two  struck a match and held it aloft proclaiming that it was a reminder of the star of Bethlehem. “Oh Go on then” said St Peter as he waved the second man in. 

The third man then pulled out from his pocket and held up a pair of knickers. “What the devil is the meaning of that?!” exclaimed St Peter. The third man protested “But they are Carol’s!“



A man walks into a very posh Oxford Street shop with a gorgeous

blonde on his arm. “Show the lady your finest mink!” the fellow exclaims.

So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with an

absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on,

the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers,

“Ah, Sir, that particular fur goes for £65,000.”

“No problem! I'll write you a cheque”

“Very good, Sir.” says the shop owner, “Today is Saturday. You may

come by on Monday to pick it up, after the cheque has cleared.”


So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns.

The store owner is outraged: “How dare you show your face in

here?! There wasn't a single penny in your account!!”

“Yes, sorry about that but I just had to come by,” grinned the guy,

“to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!”








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